Oh WOW! Where to begin...this was by far THE craziest thing I've ever done.
After very little sleep and several calls and text messages from Monica from WalMart...Kemper and I leathered up and struck out on Thursday around 9 am for Galveston, Texas, destination, Lone Star Rally http://www.lonestarrally.com/index.html. We stop and get cash, then gas, then parking passes...I text Monica from the bike to let her know we just left Stubbs... http://www.stubbscycles.com/
as I recall she called me a name...She and Dusty wouldn't be able to leave
until about 1 or so. With the bike totally loaded down with all our gear we're finally on our way...next stop Anne's beach house in Terramar http://www.terramarbeachhouse.com/.After a beautiful ride with PERFECT weather, Kemper and I arrive at the Beach house, get it all opened and ready to live in for the next 4 days...woohoo! We’re very excited...without wasting much time we unload the bike and take off to nearest burger joint to get a bite to eat and a few provisions for the house...Shiner Bock and diet coke.
We drop the stuff off at the house and take off into town to see what's going on...we'd been warned that the first day of rally was not so great, not many people too see or things to do...we just wanted to ride in anyway, we'd meet up with Monica and Dusty later, it'd be fun.Well, the guy with the advice must not have been there in the last few years...cause OMG! Tons of bikes and lots of people...he certainly didn't know what he was talking about. Kemper and I were in HOG heaven...get it HOG heaven? heehee. We decide while we had some time and there weren't SO, SO many people we'd get our shopping done and outta the way the first day...so first stop, you guessed it! BEER!
And it begins...
We shopped, walked, watched the weirdo’s, look at the bikes and shopped and walk…bought a couple more beers and shopped and walked some more. Around 4 o’clock Monica and Dusty arrive and we hook up. 
They’re hungry so we walk over to Willie G’s for some food. We toast to our trip and the good time we plan to have…boy, we had NO idea what fun we were gonna have. It takes a while for Dusty and Kemper to warm up to one another but when they did...OMG! I was sure they’d reverted to being 
12 years old again…but I guess we all had. From there we hung out on the Strand watch the bikes come in and continued to shop. By now Kemper and Dusty were getting along like long lost buddies…they were very cute and really funny…so THEY thought anyway… Monica and I were questioning a lot of our life decisions.One store that Kemper wanted to go to was the Hellanbach store
http://www.hellanbach.com/ Kemper and I had already ordered stuff from them and been in contact with the sales rep Ryan trying to get our shirts 
in before coming to the rally. So we happened upon their booth and began shopping and we got to actually meet Ryan, I’ll be telling more about all this as we go. Little did I know that before the visit was over I’d spent a ton of money and Kemper got a ball cap and Ryan gave him a skull cap for $5. Thanks Ryan. Dusty bought the Ball Cap and Monica bought a skull cap. 
After several more beers we decide it is in our best interest to go back to the beach house and get some rest we have a long weekend ahead of us. Also, during all the shopping we also all bought one of the Wild Hog face mask, we looked cool…well, maybe
not…maybe more silly than cool, but when at rally do as the rally does…and actually on the ride back we were all really glad that we had them, it was cold and the fog felt like sheets of ice.On our way back we decide to stop at Woody’s it’s this bar on the beach side, just West of Jamaica Beach. This place was packed that is where we encountered the first painted body…okay sorry about that one…I had too much beer and I guess got a little shutter bug fever.
Once in the place, after we recovered from what we’d just seen we had many highly intelligent conversations including, but not limited to, Monica explaining how she was sure she had boogers. I’m telling ya beer and
cameras don’t mix.Monica had a tendency to wander away so we spent a good bit of time following her just to make sure she didn’t get lost…this time being the social butterfly she is she had friends…we called them Nubby and Blondie. You see they were about to go to blows until Lil’ Miss
Sunshine blew in…here’s the story the way it came to us…Nubby seemed to have head butted Blondie and for that Blondie slapped Nubby…now you might wonder why we have given these folks such endearing nick names…well, Blondie is the obvious…and Nubby…yeah he only had two fingers and for the life of us, no 
one has any idea which two, and how was he holding that beer. I’m so stupid when I saw Monica had friends, well yeah, I wanted to take their picture…shit, I didn’t know he only had two fingers at that time or I’d have taken a picture of that. Ewww.So anyway…now it was really time to go back to the beach house. Once there we all had another beer and went to bed…I think it was about 8:30. whew!
FridayLet’s Ride!!! First we need gas…ah gas…WHAT, what do you mean your pumps are empty? No
gas? Finally, we find gas…that could have been bad. We’re off again, we’re going to the Sea Wall today…it’s much warmer today or is it just me? Whew, I think it’s just me, I need a diet coke BAD…eekkk, and food. Before going all the way in Monica needed to stop at WalMart, it’s hard for a girl like Monica to pass up a WalMart in a new city…ya see she and I 
didn’t pack so well for this trip…I seemed to have forgotten to pack any underpants and she didn’t pack a black bra so she wanted to stop at WalMart to get a black bra…I opted to just forgo the whole underpants thing…this is Rally…if I’m okay with it…shouldn’t bother anyone else…well…Monica came out of WalMart proudly carrying her purchase and amongst all the other bikers sitting around waiting for their people to come out Monica tells me she picked something up for me…she’s so sweet, she’s always buying me stuff…this
time she brought me these great big WHITE panties…ewww…she was really proud they were ONLY 88¢…I told her she should go back in and get her 88¢ back, but she refused and insisted that I needed them…so from then on the panties hung from the back of our bike. Pure class.We shop around the Sea Wall today…same stuff just more of it…we get food and water…then Dusty goes for the beer. Monica buys a necklace “1 of 30” http://charmedattitudes.com/ so the sales pitch goes…it was lovely, though quite expensive…but there was a bright side…she got a warm and fuzzy…What? Yeah…with her purchase the lady gave her a little bag with a cotton ball in it…told her every time she put her finger in it and felt the little ball in there someone was thinking
of her and loving her (sappy!!!) I don’t know about you…but I thought it was a load…Monica informed me that she wouldn’t make a mistake and think it was me thinking of her…safe choice there…come on Mon, it’s a freaking cotton ball. 
We decide to leave the Sea Wall and go back to the Strand that’s really where the most excitement was happening.
Okay now…this is where things start getting really nutty…Monica found Pina Colada…you know the ones that come in the silly yard glass? You know, with the straw a mile long, $10, refills $7.
Anyway…when Monica drinks she’s great fun …and an incredible social butterfly…these are just a few of Monica’s friends…we have no idea who they are and they certainly had no idea who we were and why Monica wanted to have her 
picture taken with them…it wasn’t all just strangers…the were some that were just genuinely strange…such as the entertainers for the (who's the guy with yellow teeth???) 
Oh and the guy that she shared her fries with…can’t forget him
…this guy sat in the same spot all day long… I guess, Monica wasn’t the only one
sharing with him…so why get up??? He surely saw plenty to entertain him…
As the day went on even trips to the potty was entertaining…You know the Lone Star Rally was really an awesome thing there was something for everyone…no one left out everyone is welcome… 
I told you I’d tell you more about Hellanbach…well, we kept Ryan on his toes for sure, everyday we went back in, everyday we bought something, everyday we got another $5 skull cap…this time Kemper since the day warmed up so much he needed a cooler shirt. So he bought the Garage 
shirt …do you see where this is going??? Oh and here is another fine photo of Monica and Kemper, not sure what they are trying…seems Ryan was a little concerned. Dusty and I just tried to 
look the other way ya know…what 
happens at Rally stays at Rally.
We saw all walks of life, met interesting people as well as some just scary ones…ya know the biker community is quite large and a diverse one…but one thing held true with everyone…we all had a great time and enjoyed ourselves…All sorts of groups gather there 
as well…you know you can never be too quick to judge…things aren’t always what they seem…like my friend Big “J” who knew he had such a great cause? Just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover…
S.L.A.P.A.H.O. this stands for Support Life And Put A Helmet On…and you where think something tacky!!!
Remember I said earlier that we all got those silly skull masks last night? Well…the boys are thinking again…Now keep in mind that we have walked every inch of 
this place 10 times by now…Monica is on her second yard of Pina Colada and boys and I have had our share of beer when Kemper and Dusty decide they want to find rally rings…right…you know those crazy rings that cover your whole finger? The one that you just can’t imagine what one might do with one…? Well, our guys had some kind of brilliant idea…we know we’d seen them somewhere on the island but who knows which booth they were in…so the search begins…again 
we have walked in and out up and down….around 
and around… until finally…we found them…woohoo…$7 bucks cool I’ll buy …Great…real mature…Rally Ring…woohoo, let’s go.
We need to get back to the house and continue this party! Let’s Ride! Well before we get back to the bike we go by Hellanbach AGAIN and Dusty buys the black garage shirt…is it just me or does any one else think this is getting weird? 
Upon arriving back at the beach house our other house guest have
arrived…we meet everyone they eat chili that Monica made…we want to go back the Strand to see the night life, but Monica is tired 
and wants to go to bed…of course she is…she had 10 yards of Pina Colada! We all go to bed and rest up for Saturday…the BIG day of the Rally…woohoo!!!!
Saturday
Kemper and I wake up to lots of noise coming from the rest of the house…seems as if everyone is up but us. We can hear Ross and Monica above all, we can smell coffee…yum, coffee…so I reach for my cell phone and call Monica…I can hear her phone ringing…but she doesn’t answer…I can still hear her voice…I call again…nothing…then I 
receive a call back…nothing…no one on the other end…oh dear, Dusty wasn’t up yet…well he is now, trying to answer Monica’s phone…oops? Well it not long until I receive another call this time it’s Monica returning my call…hey, Mon…will you bring us some coffee? WHAT??? She doesn’t respond
well, I explained to her I couldn’t come out of the room yet because my hair resembled some character from Sesame Street, as Kemper quick began singing the theme song…but in the end she delivers 2 cups of coffee prepared to our liking to our room…we’re sure she’d probably spit in them…but we didn’t care after everything we’d been drinking the last couple of days…
Monica’s spit was not going to get in the way of our first cup of coffee. As we lay there sipping our coffee, it sounds as if 
everyone is having way too much fun out in the house so we decide to get ourselves mildly presentable…I wrapped my mane in a towel and put on some clothes. That’s when we started preparing Bloody Mary’s and Mimosas and some breakfast…thanks Ross everything was yummy! Can you be at my house around 9am on Sunday?
After we’re all done with breakfast and cleaning the kitchen…we’re ready to go again…today we are going to the Convention Center to see what’s going on there! Kemper and Dusty wore their 
matching shirts today…they looked so cute…Monica kept calling them twins, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, heehee, aren’t they cute? Weird, but cute, right?
But, before we go to the convention center we want to drop our vest off with Sunshine to have our patches sewn on…so to the Strand.
Once in the convention center we look at the Camper Trailers…wow these were 
awesome…Dusty seems really serious about getting one in the near future…gotta love friends like that! Anyway, while Dusty was talking to 
the sales guy, me, Monica and Kemper we’re playing in the campers…having fantasies of our own…Oh I forgot to tell you about a purchase that I made at some point in the day yesterday…well…Kemper was in a very frisky mood most of the day…God I love that guy!! Well anyway, he mostly just wanted to ditch Monica and Dusty and go back to the beach house so I
had to tame him in some way…I bought a bull whip…darn wouldn’t ya know it…he liked that too! I couldn’t crack it very well, even after the lesson the old lady gave me, apparently she had some past experience with a whip…I think I may need to add an interview section to this blog at future events! Monica and I had a lot of fun with it anyway!
You’d think at this price they could afford a real sign, right? After we look around there, we are hungry for lunch… while we’re eating Monica decides she wants to go back to the house for a while so she can rest up to be ready to go out later to see the nightlife. Once at the beach house she lays down and Kemper, 
Dusty and I decide we want to ride to Surf Side…just for the heck of it! On the way some guy passes us riding side saddle at about 80 miles an hour. It was really crazy looking he looked very comfortable and confident…one little slip up and he screwed…kinda cool I guess. We go all the way into Surf Side to the beach, Dusty had fashioned a cooler on the back of his bike so we sat looking at the water and drank a Shiner. Before heading back I went to the ladies room. As far as we know Monica is still sleeping and gonna be rested and ready to go when we get back. The road between Surf Side and the beach house is nice, good and smooth, everything was perfect…we were having a blast. Dusty had been
experiencing some trouble with his bike getting a little too hot…but so far so good. At one point he honks his horn and tells us to slow down…it scared me I thought he was having trouble and told Kemper to wait for him…all the sudden Kemper says “Oh, my God” I look back and yep…Dusty is side saddle…OMG! It was so cool…he was only going about 20 miles an hour…but he was doing it none the less. Later I 
learned that he and Kemper practiced in the parking lot at the beach while I was in the ladies room. He said he was glad there was someone there to take a picture cause he’ll never do it again. Too Funny!
Back at the beach house we get ready to go again…on our way we stop at the camp ground to 
visit with Monica’s cousin and his friends…they cooked tons of food so 
we ate a bite and headed for the Strand.
Crazy stuff, the Strand…but first we’ve got to get our vest from Sunshine…meet Sunshine she is at Mancuso Harley Davidson at 290 and 1960 in Houston every Saturday sewing patches…what a trip she was and was on…
So many people, so many bikes, OMG the sounds, it was so loud…the bikes were so cool…saw lots of thing done on a motorcycle that made side saddle look like child’s play…we saw bikes of all shapes and sizes…people of all varieties.
Before going back to the house you know we gotta make ANOTHER stop in a Hellanbach by this 
time we had named Dusty and Kemper the Hellanbach boys and they had a shirt that said Hellanbach Girl so you know I wanted one, I bought it and wanted to put it on right then and there, so I did…while standing there with my shirt off, everyone started running and screaming like crazy down the street in front of the store, Dusty said Kim put your shirt back on your making 
everyone run away!!! They weren’t really running away from the terrible sight of me with my shirt off…they were chasing a shoplifter…a girl could get a complex running with this crowd, I tell ya what! Anyway, now I’m a Hellanbach Girl! Thanks Ryan for putting up with us…until next time…maybe we’ll ride to Carrollton…what days do you work?
…Back at the beach house…Ross, Rhonda, Ken, Rachel, James and Big Al were already there…
from the looks of the place and them, they’d been there for quite some time…Me and Big Al made some breakfast and had a good time just playing and visiting.
They were having a great time…and we fit right in…poor Monica hadn’t had anything to drink…so she didn’t think we all were nearly as funny as we did…in fact, a couple of times she’d just go 
missing…Kemper was really getting under her skin…some how he thought her Hellanbach skull cap seemed to resemble that of a condom with the reservoir tip. I was kinda worried I thought
we’d pushed it too far this time…she went to bed! Oh well, we’ll deal with
that tomorrow…We’ve had a long 3 days everyone was getting a little tired and tired of it I guess! MONICA!!!! You bitch…short sheeted our bed!
Sunday
Yuck…do we have to go home???? Back to work???? Kids???? 
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ross and his crew pulled out around 10am I guess…Monica walked to the beach by herself…pretty sure she’s fine though I think she got her revenge. Bennett
calls…hey let’s meet him at Woody’s and go back in for a couple of hours.
Let’s Ride!
So we go back to the Strand shop around with Bennett…
I’m getting pretty tired…let’s get something to eat… I need tea today…NO beer!
So we walk over to Joe’s Crab Shack harbor side…toast to the end of a fantastic trip, safe ride, and beautiful weather…and good friends!
But you guess it...not so quick...one more trip...the Hellanbach store...WHAT?? Ryan's not here...???? Well of course Bennett had to have a hat and Monica bought a HellanbachGirl shirt that matched mine...yeah...we all match and Monica still loves me...yea!!!
Who’d have thought Kemper and Dusty would come so far in just a short trip…
from this…
To this…
We gotta get back to the house clean up and get on the road home…Kemper and Dusty were ever so helpful!
As we ride away from the beach house that evening…Dusty turns to us and says are you seeing pictures in your head?…yeah…all the way home…this is the sky as we ride over the bridge…could we ask for anything more? I think we dare not!
Biker 101
By The Ironhorse Writer™
What is a Biker?
Is it someone who's clearly defined?,
or a perception, merely a state of mind?
Who is a Biker?
One portrayed in movies, through hype?,
or entrapped within a stereotype?
When is a Biker?
24/7 from head to boot?,
or the weekend warrior, who sheds his suit?
Why is a Biker?
Fulfilling a preordained legacy?,
or simply indulging fantasy?
Where is a Biker?
As for me, it couldn't be clearer,
all I need do is look in the mirror
